Telling Stories to Others (Let's Not Overlook The Ones We Tell Ourselves).

Here's a shining example of what we think about stories:



We typically see a story as something 'made up', an abstraction from the truth either completely fictitious or embellished with imagination which then removes it from the reality of the events on which it's based.

We also commonly think of stories as something we tell other people. Arguably the most important and potent stories are those we tell ourselves. Each of us has created stories about who we are. Quite literally, we had no choice: it was needed as a way of giving order to the psyche and structure to our identity. Overtime, these stories have been crafted into a coherent narrative about ourselves and our place in the world.

The intriguing part in it all is that many people are not aware that this process goes on, existing as it does usually in the subconscious. (Stephen Johnson's excellent book Mind Wide Open illuminates many ways these silent operators influence our actions.)

But if you have ever talked to a woman who colors her hair, especially one that has become and stayed a 'bottle blond', she will tell you quite calmly that this is who she is. That it fits how she sees herself and not just in the mirror; it is how she feels on the inside.

Such women do not have amnesia. They are well aware of the duplicity at their own hand and they are reminded of it at no time greater than with a showing of roots - evidence of an act of past intervention and a pressing reminder for the need to repeat it. But it does not matter and it does not violate the integrity of the idea.

Stories to ourselves are a secret pact. We know we're fibbing and there's nothing wrong with that because - after all - it is the truth in the midst of the fabrication. Psychopaths aside, we can rarely lie to ourselves and get away with it . Deep down we remember, even when we forget.

Can there be passion without ego?

Too often the people with whom we work exhibit a self centeredness and self interest that gets in the way of productivity, creativity and possibilities. The popular term for the engine of such behavior is ‘ego’ (lesser known is that it's a mislabeling of Freud’s original theory of the psyche, in which it's the ‘id’ that refer to this drive not the ego, which is mediating force that tempers the ‘id’.)

The counter-productive influence that people’s egos exert in situations is commonplace, but how much would we lose if was constrained not by forces within but by outside pressure, such as an workplace policy that reduces the incidence of such behavior, much like other policies have done for sexual harassment and racism?

The creators in this life, the challengers, those which push boundaries of scientific and artistic endeavor, the adventurers and discovers all have egos. This group of accomplished men and women are no wall flowers. The have a presence – an ego presence – that is unmistakable.

They won’t necessarily be charismatic (like the entrepreneur Richard Branson) but beyond effusive confidence and dogmatic belief in the unassailable truth of their opinions, the quality that Richard Dawkins, Martha Stewart, Jose Mourinho and the singer Madonna all share is passion. Passion is a focused intensity towards an outcome. It inspires people to achieve and excel at what they do. It makes people deeply vested in a better outcome (often at the expense of a more balanced life) and is strongly linked to creativity. One seldom encounters a person who is passionate that does not have an ego (or rather no overt ego that is easily detectible).

The reverse is not true however. There is a surfeit of people with big egos but no passion or little talent to make things great or make great things. As challenging as encountering egotistical behavior is – and as galling as it is to have to graciously accommodate on occasion – one cannot condemn the practice outright. If there is passion, commitment, results and a lack of harm that come along with the territory, so be it. It is those empty individuals who have only ego and no talent that should not be indulged. You know who they are, and they do too. It’s largely why they act up so much. Deep down they know they’re frauds and they’re terrified you’ll find out. You may still have to encounter them but doesn't that thought makes it somehow a little easier?